Identity Theft

I just spent the evening listening to my best friend read my blog posts out loud to her boyfriend, which was embarrassing and entertaining. Embarrassing because he kept falling asleep, and entertaining because I find myself so freaking hilarious.

So when I went to bed, I decided to look up my Blogger page on my phone and look at my pageviews and further revel in my marvelous wit. I couldn't remember the URL of the site so I typed in "blogspot" and "mandabanana" on Google. I saw my page, but I also saw some other page with the exact same name but with some bogus description accompanying it. Intrigued (pissed off) about this, I clicked the link which took me to a blog directory page.

That page sucks.

Why?

You can sign up and list your blog and tag different topics and themes so people can find it. Like if they want to read fashion blogs, they'll be able to find all the different blogs with the "fashion" tag. Helpful and cute, right?

Wrong.

Some idiot bitch signed up on that website and claimed my blog as her own.

Her description for MY blog: About life, music, mother hood and marriage. I'm 24 and probably act like it.

This blog isn't about any of those things, except life sometimes, and I am smart enough to know that motherhood is one word. Also I am much (4 months) younger than 24.

Her tags for MY blog: alcohol, baby, banana, cats, Dave Matthews, dogs, humor, husband, marriage, music, rock & roll, shopping

Who would read her information for MY page and think, "Oooh goody, I'll go read about this alcoholic mother and her collection of cats and Dave Matthews CDs and what she and her husband do to dogs with bananas after grocery shopping"?

I am offended first of all that she would claim my stories as her own, but I'm also disgusted at the way she attempts to promote herself (me) because she makes herself (me) seem incredibly stupid and boring and lame and ugly, which doesn't make people want to read her (my) blog.

I am not an alcoholic mother. I am not 24 and married. My name is not Amanda Trumper. I am a victim of identity theft, or plagiarism, or some crime I don't know the name for.

So to fight back, because I don't stand for this abuse, I created an account on their idiotic website and I am attempting to reclaim my creative property. They sent me an e-mail saying they had to review the claim and I have to prove I'm the author of this blog by posting a verification number they gave me and sacrificing my firstborn son in their honor.

But what I don't understand is how that dumb bimbo was able to claim my page so easily, because I know it hasn't been hacked and I would've seen a post with her verification number and been like, "Uhhhh I never said that nonsense because I don't steal people's websites or crush their dreams."

Anyway here's the stupid verification code so I can try to keep what's mine.

P35w7ces2u53

Also I'm probably going to start writing again. You're welcome.