Bitch or Buddha?

Sometimes I think cutting my bangs or painting my nails will define my personality a little better or affect my attitude is some supernatural way. This always leads me to the disappointing realization that no matter how kickass my bangs look, and no matter how expertly I've applied 17 coats of hooker-red nail polish, I'm still a sarcastic, impatient, insecure, absent-minded mess with an affinity for commas and superfluous adjectives.

Ready for a night of walking the streets.

I've tried not to be those things, because those are terrible attributes to credit to yourself, but to no avail. When I abstain from sarcasm it's the worst, because I become overly polite to the point of robotic insincerity. There's very little for me to say if I've taken the vow of nonbitchyness, except things like "22 and a half" and "Dr. Pepper please."

During these spells of personality renovation, people sense my Buddha-like state of peace and strive to shatter it. Last week I had a complete stranger come into my work, and while I rang him up he lectured me about my dangerous decision to drop out of college. He told me I was making a foolish mistake and asked me if I wanted to continue to work there the rest of my life. So I ignored his words, nodded, and exclaimed, "Here's your receipt! Stay warm!"

It was the perfect balance between Bitch and Buddha. Because I got to say nice words with the clear subtext: "It doesn't matter what you're saying because I don't even know your name, you're wearing a Hawaiian shirt, and you just purchased drugstore-brand sex jelly."

That explanation was in case you thought I legitimately wanted that man to stay warm.