5 Lies Guys Tell Girls

Everyone wants to put forth the best possible image of themselves when they first meet someone. Unfortunately, if you don't have that many good attributes, it becomes necessary to lie if you want to seem like a decent person. If your relationship with that person becomes long-term, you're expected to uphold that lie and live it on a day-to-day basis. This is a bitch so you should just tell the truth up front, even if you're a horrible person whose kisses remind your partner of Oscar the Grouch. Here are five of my favorite lies guys tell girls, both in the "getting to know you" phase and in relationships:

1. "Let's put it this way, my number is in a lot of little black books."

Whatever they say they have or haven't done, and who they have or haven't done it with, it will be a lie. He is trying to impress you with his image as a ladies' man or as a man of virtue. 92% of the time he is a mediocre lover with an average amount of experience.

2."I only play video games if I'm really bored."

When you first start talking to a guy, he is likely so enamored by your beauty and phenomenal personality that his game addiction may legitimately back off a bit. Beware, however, the guy who claims he has self-control when it comes to gaming, because he is kidding you and himself if he says you won't join the millions of women pushed to the side to make room for Call of Duty once your "new-love" phase fizzles out and you start to let yourself go.

2. "Football is okay, but I'd rather watch Phantom of the Opera with you."

Few guys are "casually entertained" by sports. If he watches sports at all, no matter how mild-mannered he appears, that means that he screams, curses, pumps his fists, cheers, jumps out of his seat, and paints his chest, so never believe that he simply "sometimes catches the end of the game."

3. "Eh, she's all right."

You should have no problem with a guy who recognizes the attractiveness of Taylor Swift and Amanda Bynes. However, he will say they're "okay" or "not his type" to seem like he doesn't have an eye for other girls. Really all these comments do is make you feel ugly because you're obviously not as good looking as Taylor Swift or Amanda Bynes, otherwise you'd be on TV or a date instead of sitting around reading my blog. You should never fall for these ridiculous claims because they're stupid and besides, if you find these girls more attractive than your boyfriend does, one or both of you is probably gay, and that tends to complicate heterosexual relationships.

4. "I love you."

This happens all the time. He is trying to get you in bed, he is confusing infatuation with love, or you said "I love you" first and he panicked and said it back so you wouldn't break up with him. If he says he loves you, wants to be with you forever, etc., and doesn't then try to get something out of you (or in to you, ha ha ha.) he may actually mean it. Look for "I love you but not really" warning signs: a) he says it only during intimate lovey-dovey time, b) he says it automatically with no emotion ("Loveya." "Luvyou2."), c) he posts glittery teddy bears with hearts for eyes on your Facebook wall.

5."You're perfect just the way you are."

Girls like to trap their boyfriends with questions like, "Do I look better with makeup on, or without?", "Should I keep my hair long or cut it shorter?", and "Would my boobs look better if they were bigger?" There are no satisfactory truthful answers to these questions, so guys are forced to give bullcrap answers like, "your natural beauty eliminates the need for makeup," "the magnificent structure of your cheekbones would suit long or short hair equally wonderfully," and "your breasts are in perfect proportion to your body." None of this means anything because you're probably a pock-marked, flat-chested mullet-haver with no idea how you look thanks to your sweet-hearted liar of a boyfriend.

If you find a guy who doesn't lie about any of these five things, please propose to him.