We're all a little bizz-nitchy sometimes.

There are certain things that we all say so frequently yet we almost always mean something completely different. At least I do, so I'm going to lump all of you into a stereotype of judgment and bitchiness with me because it makes me feel better about myself.

Typical conversational statement: "Can I help you?"

Translation: "Go away so I can lean on the counter while texting and eating quesadillas."

Typical conversational statement: "Hot enough for ya?"

Translation: "I sort of know you and therefore feel obligated to make some sort of BS conversation when I see you."

Typical conversational statement: "I'm happy for you!"

Translation: "I deserve that way more than you do but I don't want to seem bitter!"

Typical conversational statement: "I just have a quick question."

Translation: "I'm going to keep you on the phone for an hour and a half with tales of my great-niece and the shapes her poo makes."

Typical conversational statement: "Have you lost weight?"

Translation: "You look less like Jabba the Hutt than last time I saw you."

Typical conversational statement: "I'm starving!"

Translation: "I haven't tasted deep-fried breading covering some sort of animal fat in at least twenty minutes!"

Typical conversational statement: "Workin' hard, or hardly workin'?"

 Translation: "You're working and I'm not so I want to rub it casually in your face under the pretense of a 'clever' play on words."

Typical conversational statement: "What have you been up to?"

Translation: "I don't remember who you are, please give me clues so I can fake it."

Typical conversational statement: "This song is so totally about my life."

Translation: "I'm starved for attention and want to make people connect this song with me when they hear it later, and also think that my life is way different from how it actually is."

Typical conversational statement: "You still working at _____?/going to _______?"

Translation: "I remember one random thing about you that separates you from everyone else I know and I will repeatedly ask you about it even if you no longer have any connection to that thing because without it you have no identity to me."

Typical conversational statement: "You look nice today!"

Translation: "What happened to the tentacles growing out of your nose?!"