How rude.

Basically everyone I know shares a hobby of saying outrageously offensive things to me. Even some people I've never met like to join in once in a while. Here are some of my favorites.

*Kacy and I were at a church function, dancing like idiots and enjoying our lives, when a stupid church-lady leaned over to us and commented, "You girls dance so much, you should be thin!"

*I used to frequently hang out at my work after my shift to talk to a co-worker because I had no life and I never got to see her. She went to ring up an elderly man who was buying two candy bars. Mistaking him for one of those delightful old people, I innocently joked, "One of those is for me, right?!" He looked at my belly, considered it for a moment, and replied, "You don't need it. You look like you should try an apple or a carrot."

*A guy I liked once told me he thought short girls were "gross and creepy."

*Some stupid high school girl made fun of me after we took a picture together because I "wasn't as photogenic as her." This isn't the same girl, it's just an example of how clearly photogenic me and my friends are.

*A lady asked me who did my eyebrows when I was minding my own business at work one day. Flattered and not expecting to be slandered, I told her that I plucked them myself, to which she responded, "Oh... yeah, I can tell."

*A blond-haired, blue-eyed girl I knew in high school liked to casually remark, as if she wasn't directing the comment at anyone in particular, "I've always thought brown eyes and brown hair are so boring, ugly, and common."

*I should never have asked my ex-boyfriend what one thing he'd change about me, because his dismaying answer was, "I'd make your boobs even."

*One of the "cool children" in middle school told me he always watched me when I went to blow my nose because my face got all contorted and disgusting.

*There was a rumor going around this past year that I was a lesbian. I have no clue where they got that idea.

*In my high school Spanish class we had group projects where we had to advertise a product. I was teamed up with a perky skinny girl whose idea was, "We can market a weight-loss drink! You can be the before, and I'll be the after!"

*People often tell me how terrible my laugh is, how it sounds like a rabid hyena, and how weird it makes my face look.

*At a concert or something like that with my ex-boyfriend, I told him I was going to the concession stand to buy some food because I hadn't eaten all day. I bought a hot dog, tater tots, and a drink, and when I returned to my seat with it he asked if any of it was for him. I politely told him he could go buy his own damn food like I'd had to do. He shook his head as if I were eating everything they had behind the counter, and asked in disbelief, "You're gonna eat all that?"

*Grumpy old people at our church liked to tell Kacy and I that we were "immature" and "needed to grow up" and "weren't serious enough" and other such elderly beliefs. So we ran around in the rain in the church parking lot during service to prove that we didn't have to do what they say.

*I made fun of myself to Kacy one day, calling myself "morbidly obese" and she asked in surprise, "Oh, are you morbidly obese? I thought you were just regular obese."