Smart Shoppers

I go absolutely crazy for discount shopping. I clip coupons like an old lady, check prices at various stores, and send off for rebates. When I find out that the people I love are spending too much money (or, more than I think they should) on things, I search around and try to find them a bargain.

So when I found out how much money my best friend was spending on salon hair care products, I had a mild stroke and then began searching for them at different places.

Side note: I don’t judge her for using expensive shampoo, and she doesn’t judge me for waiting on Herbal Essences to go on sale. Friendships just work better that way.

I found this elusive product at –name of store undisclosed- and mentioned it to her while we were out shopping in Winston-Salem. We passed a different branch of said store and decided to run in and see if they had it in stock as well. It seemed like a harmless idea at the time.

We walked in, found the two hair care aisles, and split up to search for the shampoo she was wanting. We looked up and down those aisles twice, then we each walked down either end of the aisles to see if it was on one of the endcaps. No such luck. I wandered off to try and locate their clearance section while Kacy looked at nail polish or some other thing I didn’t care about.

I paid little to no attention when I heard someone crackle over the intercom, “security scan all aisles!” until I also heard a man raising his voice at the front of the store, apparently irate that the manager had made this announcement as soon as he saw him walk in the store. Because this customer was black and the manager was white.

Oh shit, right?

I edged closer cautiously, trying to eavesdrop but my heart was pounding in my ears and I couldn’t hear. I don’t handle confrontations well, even when I’m not involved.

Thankfully, Kacy loves confrontation and wasn’t scared to venture closer to where the action was, and she relayed their dramatic conversation to me as soon as it was over and my ears quit pulsating with over-excitement.

Offended Customer: “Did you think that just because I’m black, you have a right to assume I’ll steal from your store?”

Idiotic Manager: “Yes. Actually I didn’t even see you. Or your color. I don’t see color. Please leave and stop yelling.”

Offended Customer: “How dare you! I have a right to be here! You can’t make me leave! I haven’t done anything wrong! Exclamation point!”

Idiotic Manager: “I can do whatever I want, I’m the manager. I’ll call the cops if you refuse to leave.”

Offended Customer: “……why……?”

Idiotic Manager: “BECAUSE I’M THE MANAGER AND I CAN.”

Offended Customer: “…………..”

Idiotic Manager: *Calls cops and tattles on the man for being in a store*

Idiotic Manager: *Tells cops about the whole stupid incident*

Idiotic Manager: “…and it didn’t even have anything to do with this man, I called a security scan on these two suspicious white girls!”

What?

We were the only other customers in the store, so this accusation was clearly pointed at us. Even though we never do anything bad or suspicious. We once accidentally stole some eye shadow from Wal-Mart and were almost in tears when we returned it to the store.

Total criminal masterminds.

I was ready to just leave, but like I said Kacy <3’s confrontation. So we had to go ask the dumb manager guy what beef he had with us, yo.

Confrontational Kacy: “Excuse me, is there a reason you hate us?”

Idiotic Manager: “Um, what? Can I help you?”

Offended Customer: *Realizes how dumb the situation is and leaves the store while attention is diverted from him*

Confrontational Kacy: “I was standing right there when you were on the phone with the police. I know you think we’re suspicious, and I want to know why."

Awkward Amanda: *Fiddles with random object on the counter*

Idiotic Manager: “Well, you were walking up and down the aisles, evading the cameras. Clearly suspicious behavior. I watch crime TV."

Confrontational Kacy: “We were SHOPPING. You walk up and down aisles when you shop, and how would we even know where the cameras are? I don’t see any cameras. Also, you don’t get to call us ‘white girls’; you’re white too! I think you’re being quite abrasive right now.”

Awkward  Amanda: *Wonders if she can convince Kacy to go to Pizza Hut with her for lunch*

Idiotic Manager: “I’m not that. I’m not that type of person at all, I just got screamed at by an angry black guy and now I have to deal with the cops! You wouldn’t understand, it’s a lot of pressure to be a manager.”

Idiotic Manager: *Clearly doesn’t understand the meaning of “abrasive” or remember the pronunciation of it long enough to repeat it*

Idiotic Manager: *Probably doesn’t realize that he contradicted his prior claim to not see color*

Idiotic Manager: *Quite likely just started this position and is on a power-trip*

Then the police showed up. They clearly couldn’t do anything since that customer already decided to leave on his own after seeing how mentally unstable Mr. Manager was, but they had to sit through the whole stupid story anyway. I think the manager was getting his jollies off all the attention he was receiving that day.

The police nodded, obviously didn’t care about this insignificant little man, and left the store to pursue other major crime cases.

We followed them out and told them how that horrible little rat-man thought we were suspicious. They rolled their eyes, exchanged a few jokes with us about how dumb he was, checked out our smokin’ 18-year-old bods, and continued on living their lives.

Kacy and I didn’t have lives to continue living, so we talked about our badass run-in with the cops non-stop for a week, then at least once every two weeks for the next four years.