Things I was too lazy to do

I announced on Facebook one day that I was having trouble writing, hoping to get some suggestions or at the very least some attention. One of my friends is a blogger and she advised me to make lists of things to help organize my thoughts, giving me several examples of lists that could lead to funny or interesting stories. I told her that I'd thought about it but that I'd been too lazy to actually do it, and she added the title of another list, "things I was too lazy to do." 

That's where this blog came from, and I have added a link to her hilariously inappropriate blog at the bottom of this page. I'm not putting it up here on the top because then you'll navigate away before reading my blog and never come back. 

Things I was too lazy to do

1) Go to college

I did really well at the community college... my first semester. Then I discovered the magic of skipping class. First it was just once in a while when I thought I deserved a personal day to wear basketball shorts and a tank top, watch Degrassi, and eat bacon pizza. It quickly escalated into the realization that this lifestyle was much less stressful and that I could easily get used to it.

My grades started to slip as I spent more and more days sleeping in and rotting my brain on the computer. I didn't care after a while because I didn't even have a major picked out. What was the point? I'd go back when I figured my life out.

Unfortunately, I wasn't presented with many opportunities to figure my life out on my couch. All I was presented with was sixty extra pounds of fat to strap on to my thighs and belly. As my clothes started getting smaller, so did my list of options for the future. I had no experience, no education, no prospects, no hope, and no waist.

Everyone I know loves to harass me about going back to college and becoming a successful something-or-other. I nod and pretend to take their nosy, offensive suggestions into consideration, then go home and spend nine hours doing sudokus and texting about what color I should dye my hair.

2) Pay my bills

I ended up in the emergency room last August when I had strep throat, tonsillitis, and a lymph node infection. I didn't have insurance so they charged me more money than I make in a year. At the time the thought of the cost didn't bother me, because my throat was almost completely closed off on one side and I thought I was going to die.

I got my bill in the mail a couple weeks later, cried, and tried to forget about it. The thought of my outrageous debt filled me with guilt and fear, so I avoided calling to set up a payment plan. If I ignored it, it would go away until I could somehow deal with it.

Incredibly, it did go away; I don't get bills from the hospital anymore.

Now I get threatening letters from a collection agency.

3) Exercise

Every single day I make a promise to myself that I'm going to work out, lose weight, and regain the hotness of my late teenage years. In bed at night I imagine running for miles, shedding layers of fat behind me. But then when I try to run, I don't get much further than tying my shoes before I give up and read Cosmo in front of the TV instead. Even the sexy airbrushed magazine girls have trouble convincing me to get off my ass.

I play Wii Fit sometimes, but the little cartoon version of myself ballooning up and announcing, "that's obese!" is more discouraging than motivating. So I get a glass of Pepsi and a box of Oreoes and vow to start my skinny quest tomorrow.

4) Look pretty

It requires lots of things for a girl to look presentable. And I just don't care enough to wash clothes that aren't sweatpants, take a shower, dry my hair, straighten my hair, wash my face, put on makeup, and wear non-flip-flop shoes. So quite often I look disheveled and severely rumpled, as if I just rolled out of bed. Usually, this is actually the case.

I tell myself that any guy who is put off by my unbecoming appearance is a shallow jerk that I don't want to deal with anyway. Also, guys who expect the frequency of my leg-shaving to be any more than bi-weekly are not worth my time.

Follow this link to discover inappropriateness of ridiculous proportions ----> Just Inappropriate